Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
