Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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