oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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