I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
