how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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