I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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