yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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