You're my little dorito
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
