dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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