So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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