Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
