mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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