either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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