all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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