i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
