god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
