Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
