Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
