bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Dicks are not precious.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
