Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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