We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
