false alarm. still invincible.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize