i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
