my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
