ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
