I just saw a hot homeless man
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
