so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
