oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Come share oat with me in your robe
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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