Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
