I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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