he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
