plz talk dirty to me
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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