i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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