I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
