Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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