God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
