I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
