she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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