I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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