Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
