Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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