Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
