whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
