He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
