i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
