i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
