please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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