My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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