I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
