I CAN MOONWALK!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm always down for nudity.
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