Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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