I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We're too hungover to prance.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
