Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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