he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize