He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
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