we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
