You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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