Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
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