I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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