So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I think I just sharted jello shots
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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