oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
