after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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