Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
