Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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