During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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