im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
