he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
