GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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