I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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