So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
