So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
