Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
