zippers are such a cool invention
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
