Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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