the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
