Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i need some magic done to my vagina
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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