You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
