if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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