There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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