maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
