my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I forget how to act sober
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
